The End Where I Begin

It has been a rough month of March for me. I felt it was like when my grandmother died September of last year. Only this time, I was the only one mourning.

March came and went. April has started a new tide. There are moments in March that made me realize a lot of things in my life: my fate, my faith, my TV viewing habits -- I realized that one way to overcome sadness is when you watch sadder news in CNN - Japan earthquake, Libyan war to name a few. You will, for a moment, forget your own sorrows, I assure you.

Somehow, I realized that life doesn't end for me when it has started to begin with the others. The end that I may seem to think is all for me is truly a beginning of something else. Cliche as it may sound, it does seem a beginning to an end. The road doesn't end until it already is. All of us has a road to walk on. There maybe merging paths along the way, people we meet, experiences that occur in life, moments that we all go through, but through it all, there is one road to walk on. And for as long as you keep on walking, you are living. But more than living, one should be thriving. Feel the rough patches along the way, the bumpy, rocky terrain that is part of the journey as well as the smooth glide on cemented roads and the soft patches of white, warm sand on your feet. There will be rains -- heck, storms -- that will need you to take cover for a while or the blazing sun that warms you -- don't get toasted as may happen sometimes. The elements of life will all be present as you walk on your path. You may need to run sometimes, when it all seems that you want it all to end, when you want to reach the end of your road. But you will never reach the end until you really do. The end you seem to think is the finality of the road is simply another beginning of it. Then you walk on again to restart.

I guess when March ended, April 1 came. As well as the realization that there are more to my life that what March has given me. It was a bumpy ride at most, all rough and tumultuous. There are views in my life that changed. Rejection of old rules, acceptance of a few. Heightened fears of the unknown but at the same time calm sobriety of emotions and drama. Growth? Most definitely. Maturity? Yes. Regrets? Plenty. Change? Yes.

Writing about this still gives a pinching ache in my heart. It was not as painful as when March was passing, when I felt I almost had no heart to feel a pain so great. Now it's a pulsing pain, something that remains in my heart, a reminder of something heartbreaking, of something sad. Of something finite. An end.

So here I begin with an end. What follows is whatever comes. And whatever comes is my life from hereon.

later.