I can't help smiling these past few days?
Why? Beats me.
Am I inlove? Goodness ... I miss that heart wrenching, stomach gruelling feeling of being in the state of craziness ... but I don't think I am.
Maybe it's because of this wonderful Korean televonela Lovers In Paris. Yup, I watched and I got hooked. I'm not the usual avid viewer of telenovelas, be it Filipino-made, or American or Korean. It bores me. I will watch the first few episodes then I get sleepy and priority sets in ... I sleep.
But I watched this Korean program and it made me laugh and cry and make me realise that Koreans are pretty good story tellers.I have heard the story before, though. Poor girl, rich man, fell in love, another man intervenes, the family gets in the way, the leads parted ways and then saw each other back in Paris.Typical huh?! But not so that I watched it, I guess.
But what makes me smile these days? What puts that wide stretch on my face, a thoughtful sweet sigh ... I'm sick! hahaha ... I don't know. A guy? Hmmm ... I'm sure it's more than the telenovela. So between that and a guy .. I guess, it's the latter.
It's a stupid high school crush, goodness!
I saw him. He's tall, and handsome, and amazingly intelligent and charming ... now I'm smiling again ... he's dark skinned, well built, funny, ... ok, STOP!
I still sleep outright at night ... but after a few hours of communion with God, I have few minutes to think of someone and smile ... then sleep.
Cheesy, eh?!
later.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
EMPTY SPACE
Hmm ....
Much as I want to write everyday in this online "Journal of Thoughts', I can't.
Why? Because I have nothing to write! As in!See that BLANK space above? That's my head at night.
How pathetic, eh?
I remember telling my friend that most of the time, at night, I would go straight to my bed, and after some communion with God, I go straight to sleep ... yep! without a single thought to think of.
It bothers me sometimes when I realised that there should at least be something or someone I think of before slumbering.
But NADA. NONE. NOTHING.
Odd? Maybe I'm not in love, Or maybe I have too few of a problem to think of, Or Im just too tired to think at night.
Whichever it is, it bothers me. Again, odd, eh? Because I AM A THINKER. I do not talk too much or do action too much ... I am a person born to brood over matters, stuff, things ....
... but then maybe I have changed ...
... good or bad?
Please help me figure.
later.
Much as I want to write everyday in this online "Journal of Thoughts', I can't.
Why? Because I have nothing to write! As in!See that BLANK space above? That's my head at night.
How pathetic, eh?
I remember telling my friend that most of the time, at night, I would go straight to my bed, and after some communion with God, I go straight to sleep ... yep! without a single thought to think of.
It bothers me sometimes when I realised that there should at least be something or someone I think of before slumbering.
But NADA. NONE. NOTHING.
Odd? Maybe I'm not in love, Or maybe I have too few of a problem to think of, Or Im just too tired to think at night.
Whichever it is, it bothers me. Again, odd, eh? Because I AM A THINKER. I do not talk too much or do action too much ... I am a person born to brood over matters, stuff, things ....
... but then maybe I have changed ...
... good or bad?
Please help me figure.
later.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Tsunami: December 26, 2004
It's been over two weeks since the fateful day of Dec. 26 had passed.
It is only now that I muster the the words to write and excruciatingly choose the very fibers of what I feel about what happened.
I was not in any place where the tsunami struck. I was home, preparing for my party on the night of the 26th, very far from the areas where the giant wave destroyed lives and properties in incomprehsible magnitude. I only saw the news at CNN in the early morning of the 27th, several hours after the party I attended and several hours after killer waters have taken hundreds of thousands of lives.
I was in a numb feeling, as days following the event began to unfold before the eyes of the whole world. Tens of thousands of lives were lost, young and old, rich or poor. The properties were destroyed, lands were erased from the map. The unfathomable reflection of the effects of the tsunami was devastingting not only to those who were directly involved to the victims but to everyone in the world who has the eyes to see, the heart to feel and the mind to comprehend.
For days, I must admit, I was a freaking example of those affected. I would ride the car to work, and while I was travelling, I would sometimes stop and think how huge a 30 feet wave would look like. And more significantly, how I would react if it's already in my face, towering over. It gives me creeps, it scares me to death! My finite mind CANNOT imagine it, no, I cannot. But it has happened. I have seen how such waves struck the people in shock and with not even a warning, through the videos and photos taken by those fortunate to survive the tragedy.
Those people in Thailand or Indonesia or Sri Lanka and all other affected countries tried to run but the water was fast and, not to mention, BIG. The fast waves hit the lands for only several minutes but it took with it the Andrews, the Samanthas, the Mohammeds, little Johns and little Marys, old man Davids and other faceless people who were buried in deep wrath of the waters.
For days, I tried not to watch television, avoid joining discussions on the devastation of the tsunami. Even for a while, I stopped talking to God. I was not angry to Him, of course not. But my heart cannot speak of the depth of what I feel to actually put into words what I want to pray to Him. In silence, I give Him my prayers. I let him hear my heart. He knows what I feel.
But more so, God knows what THEY feel. Those afflicted by the calamity, those hearts bleeding due to the tragedy, those minds who are confuse and cannot understand .... He hears them all and He remains in control.
Oh, in times like this, it is difficult to remain faithfuly strong to the God we deeply believe in. To explain to them, to even begin to explain to them, those whose children died, whose parents gone, whose house and business vanished, the existence of God, is anything but easy.
But more so, today, in this times of enormous stress, unimaginable grief, the seemingly endless sorrow, we must all hold on to something ... to someone ... to God.
God is with all of us. But most specially, He is closest at the moment to those who are tired and helpless and sad. He is closest to all of them THROUGH the faces of all those nameless people all over the world who, in the first hour after the devastation, were there with the victims. God is that person who carries the body of the dead, those who reach out the bowl of soup the victims can eat, those who endanger their own lives to make sure the other remaining survivors are seen and are saved.
The world has come into one body to reach out to Thailand, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Burma, India, Maldives, Somalia and all the other countries. This has been the role of God. To gather us all together and in one, move towards responsibility and care.
No one wills the tsunami to happen. NO ONE is to blame for what happened. No one.
I do not know how to end this blog. The words I have written is not even close to what I truly unearth in my sad heart and in my restless soul.For I know my sentiments of what transpired on the morning of December 26, 2004 will never end in my heart.
later.
It is only now that I muster the the words to write and excruciatingly choose the very fibers of what I feel about what happened.
I was not in any place where the tsunami struck. I was home, preparing for my party on the night of the 26th, very far from the areas where the giant wave destroyed lives and properties in incomprehsible magnitude. I only saw the news at CNN in the early morning of the 27th, several hours after the party I attended and several hours after killer waters have taken hundreds of thousands of lives.
I was in a numb feeling, as days following the event began to unfold before the eyes of the whole world. Tens of thousands of lives were lost, young and old, rich or poor. The properties were destroyed, lands were erased from the map. The unfathomable reflection of the effects of the tsunami was devastingting not only to those who were directly involved to the victims but to everyone in the world who has the eyes to see, the heart to feel and the mind to comprehend.
For days, I must admit, I was a freaking example of those affected. I would ride the car to work, and while I was travelling, I would sometimes stop and think how huge a 30 feet wave would look like. And more significantly, how I would react if it's already in my face, towering over. It gives me creeps, it scares me to death! My finite mind CANNOT imagine it, no, I cannot. But it has happened. I have seen how such waves struck the people in shock and with not even a warning, through the videos and photos taken by those fortunate to survive the tragedy.
Those people in Thailand or Indonesia or Sri Lanka and all other affected countries tried to run but the water was fast and, not to mention, BIG. The fast waves hit the lands for only several minutes but it took with it the Andrews, the Samanthas, the Mohammeds, little Johns and little Marys, old man Davids and other faceless people who were buried in deep wrath of the waters.
For days, I tried not to watch television, avoid joining discussions on the devastation of the tsunami. Even for a while, I stopped talking to God. I was not angry to Him, of course not. But my heart cannot speak of the depth of what I feel to actually put into words what I want to pray to Him. In silence, I give Him my prayers. I let him hear my heart. He knows what I feel.
But more so, God knows what THEY feel. Those afflicted by the calamity, those hearts bleeding due to the tragedy, those minds who are confuse and cannot understand .... He hears them all and He remains in control.
Oh, in times like this, it is difficult to remain faithfuly strong to the God we deeply believe in. To explain to them, to even begin to explain to them, those whose children died, whose parents gone, whose house and business vanished, the existence of God, is anything but easy.
But more so, today, in this times of enormous stress, unimaginable grief, the seemingly endless sorrow, we must all hold on to something ... to someone ... to God.
God is with all of us. But most specially, He is closest at the moment to those who are tired and helpless and sad. He is closest to all of them THROUGH the faces of all those nameless people all over the world who, in the first hour after the devastation, were there with the victims. God is that person who carries the body of the dead, those who reach out the bowl of soup the victims can eat, those who endanger their own lives to make sure the other remaining survivors are seen and are saved.
The world has come into one body to reach out to Thailand, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Burma, India, Maldives, Somalia and all the other countries. This has been the role of God. To gather us all together and in one, move towards responsibility and care.
No one wills the tsunami to happen. NO ONE is to blame for what happened. No one.
I do not know how to end this blog. The words I have written is not even close to what I truly unearth in my sad heart and in my restless soul.For I know my sentiments of what transpired on the morning of December 26, 2004 will never end in my heart.
later.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
2005
Can you imagine?
On New Year's Eve of 2004, I was writing in my journal and it just hit me ... it was just like yesterday when I was excited to watch on televesion all the celebration world wide of the Millenium Eve Party.
Cliche as it is, time does fly so fast.
When I was younger, it never came across my mind that new years are extra ordinary events in ones life, you know. It's just like another year, a party to celebrate, laughing, reunions on the first day of the year.
But then as I mature and age is added to my soul, I realised that each new turn of the leaf is another story of life, a new beginning, a new something. I don't know but don't you feel a sense of reborn every new year?
I do.
The year that passed was amazing. Lots of ups and downs, lots of laughs and cries. But you see, I consider such as a success ... a success that I am alive, I am here. The chairs in our new year's eve dinner table is still complete. That alone is enough for me to lift my gratitude to the One up there.
2005? Wow. Here it is. I think of this year with a smile. I always have a smile on my face every beginning of each year. It's somthing to smile about, hey. My friends have utterred words such as "this is our year", "this will be a great year" ... I believe so, yes. I told myself, this year is when all my dreams in life will come true. Such a high spirit, eh? But isn't the commencement of each year must also be the reborn of passion and dreams and hopes in life?
Ah. You must be saying it is easy for me to say this because I had a good 2004. On the contrary, I have had my roughest rides in waves of perplexities in the past year. I had problems like the rest, mend a broken heart, lost friends who went seeking their end of the rainbows, problems in life and death. My life was not as easy as you may have thought it was.
But I learned from my experience with my dad's death not to carry the baggage when you travel the road of life. Life isn't life if you do not have the downfall, the failure, the rejection, the pain. Everyone goes through life as everyone does. Rich or poor, old or young, we all go through the roads we take with some hindrances of sadness and suffering.
But we live on after. We carry on life despite everything.
And new years are good way to start.
I will make this 2005 the best year of my life. And maybe 2006 better than this "best" year. And the next be better than the last.
It means I will live, love, cry, laugh, take in everything with passion in my heart, everything that will happen to this 2005.
With abudant prayers, with unconditional love from my family and friends, from the greatness of God, I draw my strength.
Cheers to all for the best year of our life!
later.
On New Year's Eve of 2004, I was writing in my journal and it just hit me ... it was just like yesterday when I was excited to watch on televesion all the celebration world wide of the Millenium Eve Party.
Cliche as it is, time does fly so fast.
When I was younger, it never came across my mind that new years are extra ordinary events in ones life, you know. It's just like another year, a party to celebrate, laughing, reunions on the first day of the year.
But then as I mature and age is added to my soul, I realised that each new turn of the leaf is another story of life, a new beginning, a new something. I don't know but don't you feel a sense of reborn every new year?
I do.
The year that passed was amazing. Lots of ups and downs, lots of laughs and cries. But you see, I consider such as a success ... a success that I am alive, I am here. The chairs in our new year's eve dinner table is still complete. That alone is enough for me to lift my gratitude to the One up there.
2005? Wow. Here it is. I think of this year with a smile. I always have a smile on my face every beginning of each year. It's somthing to smile about, hey. My friends have utterred words such as "this is our year", "this will be a great year" ... I believe so, yes. I told myself, this year is when all my dreams in life will come true. Such a high spirit, eh? But isn't the commencement of each year must also be the reborn of passion and dreams and hopes in life?
Ah. You must be saying it is easy for me to say this because I had a good 2004. On the contrary, I have had my roughest rides in waves of perplexities in the past year. I had problems like the rest, mend a broken heart, lost friends who went seeking their end of the rainbows, problems in life and death. My life was not as easy as you may have thought it was.
But I learned from my experience with my dad's death not to carry the baggage when you travel the road of life. Life isn't life if you do not have the downfall, the failure, the rejection, the pain. Everyone goes through life as everyone does. Rich or poor, old or young, we all go through the roads we take with some hindrances of sadness and suffering.
But we live on after. We carry on life despite everything.
And new years are good way to start.
I will make this 2005 the best year of my life. And maybe 2006 better than this "best" year. And the next be better than the last.
It means I will live, love, cry, laugh, take in everything with passion in my heart, everything that will happen to this 2005.
With abudant prayers, with unconditional love from my family and friends, from the greatness of God, I draw my strength.
Cheers to all for the best year of our life!
later.
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